Family Dispute Resolution Strategies (#3) Assertive Communication and Conduct

The process of effective dispute resolution requires the participants to be able to identify four types of communication and conduct: passive, aggressive, passive aggressive and assertive. A goal of dispute resolution is to encourage assertiveness in communication and conduct.

Passive communication and conduct, such as silence, sulking and other forms of withdrawal and disingenuous acquiescence, deprives others of accurate information about a family member’s wants, needs and interests. Well-intentioned family members who are unaware of a family member’s needs may trample on that person’s needs. Family members who want to impose their goals and interests on others may find little outward resistance from a passive member – but no matter how passive a family member may be, that family member has needs. To the extent those needs are unmet, family friction may follow (though it may seethe under the surface, and only explode on occasion).

Aggressive communication and conduct, such as yelling, physically assaulting, acting against property, gossiping and backstabbing, and of course litigating, directly inhibits communication. There is little chance for either the perpetrator or target of aggressive conduct to develop the mutual understanding required to reduce conflict and resolve disputes. To the extent that aggressive conduct causes harm, that harm inevitably takes on a life of its own and the family members may descend into a cycle of attacks and reprisals.

Passive aggressive communication and conduct is the often-subtle product of aggressive instincts to lash out at another person, plus passive tendencies that prevent direct outward action. This article discusses some of the common examples of different types of communication and conduct and how they can be overcome.