RECAP: 2019 FOX Spring Rising Gen Forum

Family Dynamics: Effective Family Conversations

Presenter:
Ann Dugan, Senior Managing Director, Education and Advisory Services, Family Office Exchange

Session Description: 

Navigating family dynamics can be challenging in any family, but add the complexity of significant wealth or business ownership, and those challenges can amplify. Rising Gen members learned how to initiate and manage difficult conversations around substantive family issues such as conflict, succession, and engaging the next generation. This session, led by an experienced family member who has journeyed these roads herself and on the behalf of clients, explored practical tools for having effective conversations within participants’ own families. 

 

Key Takeaways:  
  • FOX Rising Gen members have identified common concerns including: handling the burdens of wealth, negotiating the emotional and financial transfer of wealth, engaging those not engaged, navigating personalities and developing an individual voice in harmony with the family voice. 
  • Families need to broaden the conversation beyond the financial element, to focus on other kinds of capital (social, emotional, etc.). Opportunities for family communication can come in a number of different areas: 

    • Family Emotional: regular family meetings, philanthropic activities, family name and history, interesting personalities 

    • Family Financial: money and material objects, inheritances, intra-family lending, elevated lifestyle 

    • Business Financial: dividends, shareholder agreements, investing and business opportunities, salaries in excess of market wages 

    • Business Emotional: quality products, archives, museums, artifacts, plant tours and internships, corporate social responsibility

  • Family discussions are often on a continuum, from the more contentious debate, to a more formal discussion often looking at pros and cons, to what might be a learning conversation with an intentional exchange of ideas. At the other end of the spectrum is a true dialogue which might involve a collective exploration uncovering truth and meaning among participants. Family communications are often complicated because long-standing family relationship issues are present in what might otherwise be a straight-forward discussion. 

  • As you prepare for family communications, recognize that fear of the discussion may trigger defenses to kick in, the pull of past experiences and family patterns may influence emotions. A prepared, holistic approach to the issue at hand is more effective than simply relying on your gut instinct as we are often influenced by what we most recently read/heard and it may not be a complete understanding of the issue. Ask yourself “how can I prepare so that I override my instincts.” And be prepared to compromise, agree to revisit later as new information arises. 

  • Good communication practices involve being present and respectful, making “I” statements and owning your own views, being patient and avoiding interrupting. Important to have a few rules: Vegas Rule (what we say here, stays here), Aretha Franklin Rule (R-E-S-P-E-C-T), Disney Rule (have fun), and the Airplane Rule (turn off technology). 
     

VIEW THE PRESENTATION SLIDES >
(FOX Members only)