The more I learn from working with families, the more I realize that the relationships they have with their advisors are just like dating. One of the most important commonalities is the need to build trust, and letting someone in on all your secrets and vulnerabilities is scary. But if you don’t, the relationship won’t last and you’ll possibly miss out on an opportunity to grow.

New relationships are scary. They can be especially scary for wealthy families, where social media poses a threat to their privacy and rampant litigation threatens their wealth. But there are undeniable benefits in almost every situation for opening up and sharing, and not just information but by giving outsiders a vote on your board.

Not too long ago, I saw a presentation by Ernst & Young on family boards that cited the reasons family owned businesses give for not including outsiders on their boards. By tackling each objection, we discover three reasons to let outsiders in to the family enterprise:

“Outsiders won’t understand us” – It takes time to understand any business or complex family enterprise. Outsiders not only add new skills and knowledge not available within the family or the business, they can provide fresh and objective insights from the perspective of someone without the emotional ties of ownership and legacy.

“But, I’m going to sell” – Just like selling your house in a down market, business owners often are surprised at the low value placed on their business by a prospective buyer. Bringing in outsiders before you sell can help you clean up the balance sheet and increase operational efficiency, which can lead to a higher valuation. It also signals to buyers that they can trust the professionalism and transparency of decision-making in your organization.

“We’re private” – While true that you don’t want the competition to learn your secrets, you also may not know what you’re missing. I’ve seen business owners miss valuable opportunities to shift into new markets or get rid of existing product lines because they don’t know what the competition is doing or where other industries are going that may impact their business. Family businesses can become insular and find the firm unable to grow beyond the vision of the founder. Outsiders with inside knowledge can help the family see not just the challenges of the organization, but the opportunities.

The bottom line is that all of these things that outsiders add can improve the value of the family enterprise, which will increase the likelihood of passing business ownership to future generations.

True, it’s tough to find people to trust, but with a little creative thinking, you can find ways to “test” the trust before jumping all the way in. The more you give in terms of trust and transparency, the more you’ll get of the same in return.