The following blog post is a contribution from Ascent Private Capital Management of U.S. Bank, a Thought Leaders Council member of the Family Office Exchange.

The windfall of inherited wealth often comes with feelings of guilt and elation, isolation and confusion. Learning to be comfortable with inherited wealth is a process; a process of moving through emotional stages that can be aligned with the emotional stages of grief. There are six emotional stages of inheritance: disbelief, anger, euphoria, guilt, paralysis, and becoming “heirworthy.”¹ The hope is that people will gradually make it to the final stages of inheritance: feeling “heirworthy,” defined as a sense of appreciation and understanding.¹

For those who move past the euphoric stage, a period of guilt often emerges. Guilt is often viewed as a negative emotion, one that implies we did something wrong that needs to be fixed. Guilt can be driven by the loss of the loved one(s) who passed to create the windfall or it can be tied to our need to be socially accepted and fit in.

Guilt likely exists as a mechanism to help us recognize when we’ve done something that hurts our social standing within a group or threatens our social bonds. Guilt, like regret, causes us to reflect on our decision-making and avoid making poor decisions in the future.¹ Our fears of not being accepted and not belonging, coupled with our fears of making mistakes, play a large role in creating and driving guilt.

Guilt is a natural emotion and a natural progression in the process of getting to the “heirworthy” stage of inherited wealth. Guilt is something that can also be overcome. To work through one’s feeling of guilt, consider how you define success and how you can live to your values.  You could also look into separating happiness from wealth.

Wealth should be separate from happiness, just as health is separate from happiness. For example, when people experience a major health crisis, such as loss of sight or limb, or they are diagnosed with a life threatening disease, after a period of time they will return to the same level of happiness they had before the health crisis. Wealth should be viewed the same way: without it or separate from it, what would be your level of happiness?

Look at wealth from the perspective of opportunities: What opportunities has it provided that would not have been there otherwise? What is it about your wealth that surprises you in a positive way? What makes it a blessing? By answering these questions, you can transcend the grief stage of inherited wealth and take a step closer to feeling “heirworthy.”

¹ Perry, Ann. The Wise Inheritor: A Guide to Managing, Investing, and Enjoying Your Inheritance. .Random House, Inc., 2003.

About Amy M. Zehnder

Amy is the Managing Director, Wealth Dynamics Coach for Ascent Private Capital Management of U.S. Bank. She works with individuals and families to articulate and follow their vision and values, communicate and work together more effectively, and develop the next generation of leaders.

Wealth Dynamics coaching services are used to help facilitate your self-assessment of Wealth Impact Planning issues. These services are not psychological or counseling services. Ascent does not engage in the practice of psychology.